Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
