then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
