I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My penis needs a shock collar
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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