There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
