if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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