a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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