I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
