Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
