walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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