it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
