its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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