Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
