i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
