i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
