I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
