Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
