soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
