Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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