Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
