There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
