i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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