I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
