She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
