Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
