I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
