I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
