For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
