Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
