There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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