I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
