sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
