i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
