i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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