I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
