The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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