I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
