why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
