Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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