I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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