she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
