my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
