she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
