I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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