two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
