Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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