don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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