I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
