Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
