I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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