Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
