You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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