R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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